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Dave says Vriska was “extra-alive” on their trip. John knows what he means, and says her presence is “hard to ignore.” Karkat wants this whole conversation to be about shitting on Vriska, but he’s too loud and Vriska hears. Karkat immediately backs down, disappointing John, who is expecting another classic Karkat rant. Karkat says that he has matured since then. Karkat says he’s over a lot of things. He admits he was hitting on John at one point, and was shut down. John doesn’t remember, much to Karkat’s surprise. Karkat keeps reinforcing that it’s not a big deal. John starts to remember the “not a homosexual” conversation and Karkat’s black-flirting attempts. Dave says that since Karkat is “eager to push this out there” they should rap about it. Dave says that John never gets mad at anything, but John thinks he only gets pissed on extreme occasions, like fighting Caliborn. John thinks his inability to “hate” is less of a factor, and that his heterosexuality is a bigger reason he can't reciprocate feelings towards Karkat. Dave thinks he sounds corny when John states he’s not a homosexual, and John believes its a normal statement. Dave says “normal” isn’t a thing that exists anymore, confusing John as to what he’s implying. Dave thinks it isn’t as simple as John puts it, and points out a lot of stuff people consider normal is from the media you consume, and John may not actually be what he thinks he is. Dave points out some of the issues they had as pals before about how they refered to everything as “gay” and that the joke is often that it’s “its all lame stuff for pansies but not like us no were not lame” and that the “REAL COOL SHIT” is based on an adulation of masculinity. John thinks that Dave is coming out as gay, and that it may be a consenquence of his retcon powers. Dave wants to continue this talk later as John saying that he “turned Dave gay” is kind of bizarre. John asks if Dave and Karkat are dating.
Karkat has a mental breakdown.
Dave and John agree to drop the conversation. Dave says that Karkat is a pretty sensitive guy.
Dave admits he's spent too much time with the trolls. John wonders if he could’ve gotten involved in troll culture as well. John tried to understand black romance before, but it felt alien (lol) to him. He had a hard time hating people, but was annoyed by people at least. Terezi is an example. Karkat sees this as the seeds being planted for a black crush. John disagrees, but Karkat keeps pushing, explaining how people realize they are in epic black love. John eventually cracks and believes he may have a black crush, but he isn’t ready to truly admit it.
John thinks that since quadrants are a “troll” thing he wouldn’t be able to feel them. Dave disagrees. John tells that Davesprite dated Jade, but they fell apart due to Davesprites “unique issues.”
Dave asks about Roxy. John says that she’s nice, and blah blah blahs about her. Dave implies that he loves her, but John doesn’t particularly confirm that. Dave says that Roxy is his mom, and his brain keeps insisting that idea despite John thinking it’s weird. Dave likes the idea of having a mom.
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Arquiusprite is nearly finished fixing up Jane. Vriska swoons over how epic he is. Dave wants to know when Dirk is arriving. Vriska could’ve had him come over sooner, but she knew Dave would want to wait until they met. He’ll arrive around when the other villains arrive. Dave is concerned that Gamzee is in the fridge.
Vriska says fuck no.
Vriska says that Gamzee is still relevant and has “plot armor.” Dave asks Arquiusprite the status of John’s hot mom. He means, hot mom. He means… hot milf. Fuck. Vriska doesn’t want to hear this shit so she tunes out. What would John think about this, Terezi says. Dave never wants to tell him about this shit. Rose and Roxy overhear and join the fun. Roxy agrees that Jane is hot. John comes over and Terezi immediately spills the beans.
John and Jake talk about family. Jake says Jane’s poppop (John) was a comedian. John says they didn’t know their Nanna very well. John asks if poppop was cremated, and Jake explains that it’s similar to Weekend at Bernies, as he is a stuffed corpse. They talk about their love of movies. Jake says that Jane’s life was “typical.” Jane said her life was “boring,” but Jake disagrees, as she had access to a lot of things he didn’t have and had a father. Jake believes that her dad was also a private detective. What happened to him, John asks? Jake believes he’s still in Derse’s jail.
John is surprised by how talkative Jake is, believing he was shy. Jake doesn’t like the presence of all these people, and is upset that he isn’t the “man I thought I’d be when you met me.” He sees himself as a disappointment since he couldn’t compare to his persona. John believes that Jake just wants to be alone, and that there’s nothing wrong with that. He points out that Jade’s grandpa was alone too, yet still went on epic adventures. John also compliments Jake’s god tier outfit, and says it makes him look like a superhero… well, at least a sidekick. But John doesn’t think being a sidekick is bad, rather, they’re the real hero of the day. They eavesdrop on Karkat and W.V. communicating. Karkat realizes they’re being listened to, and delivers a classic rant. Tavrosprite starts sneezing loudly, because of his allergies (Jaspersprite).