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| CANDY |
John decides to stay on Earth C. His head feels lighter, and he thinks the sky looks more colorful. (Likely the weight of responsibility not being there anymore.) Roxy makes a "girly noise" and hugs John, crying. John makes eye contact with Calliope, who is still smiling. He believes that Calliope has no problem with their maybe-girlfriend having a "super-intimate physical interaction" with him. Calliope says that John must rescue Gamzee from the fridge, as "he has sUffered enoUgh!" John is hesitant, but decides to use their retcon powers to find Gamzee.
John retcons into LOTAK and finds Dirk and Dave having an intimate moment on a rooftop. Dirk turns to look at John, lowers one eyebrow and then returns back to hugging Dave, "...as if he hasn’t observed anything worth acknowledging at all." John retcons the fridge and himself back onto Earth C. John opens the fridge, and Gamzee gasps for air. He starts crying, and immediately begins to talk about how much of an awful person he was. He claims he is going to be a "ChAnGeD cLoWn." John texts Terezi, and tells her about Gamzee coming back and his redemption arc. John also asks if Terezi has found "her" (possibly vriska) and she pauses for a second, then says "FROM MY PO1NT OF V13W, 1TS 4 L1TTL3 D1FF3R3NT." They both make fun of Gamzee. Calliope comes to John and thanks him. "Something feels different, but he can’t put his finger on it."
"Yes, something feels very different." Dirk is working on a robot, but then his hands suddenly shake and he drops a screwdriver into the robot. He suddenly feels like shit. He calls Jane, telling her to cancel all of their plans. Jane says it is unlike him, especially since he does not offer a "lengthy diatribe." Dirk then says lengthy diatribes are canceled too. Jane gasps, "without a hint of irony." Dirk hangs up, and texts Jake to cancel "...all their televised fights for the foreseeable forever," and blocks him. "...if it’s not worth explaining to Jane, it’s definitely not worth explaining to Jake."
Rose wakes up from a hospital bed. Kanaya is there, and asks how Rose is feeling. She says that she feels fine, and doesn't have any of the terrible symptoms of the sickness she once had. Rose comments that "...all of this is happening so quickly. Even... abruptly." Kanaya says to Rose that she felt like she was losing her, and that something bad was going to happen to them. Kanaya says that Rose would probably be just fine without her. Rose responds, "Yes, but I’d be very unhappy." The sunrise shines through the blinds.
Jade tells Karkat and Dave that John has finally left his house, and elaborates, saying that she was feeling worried about him. The trio have not left the house in a while. Jade flirts with Karkat, "im just enjoying my youth ...you could be enjoying it too hehehehe." Jade changes her bra in front of them. Dave and Karkat share a mortified look. Jade asks Karkat what he does around the house, and it is revealed he only does laundry and "yell at trolls on the internet." Dave comments that his trolling escapades are "cute." Jade comments "...its like karkats your adorable little house husband!!!" Karkat plays dumb and claims he doesn't know what a husband is. Jade says that a husband is "...like what you both do already... only with....... certain 'benefits.'" Her fingers slowly climb from his chest to his mouth. "...if youre really that clueless.... i can show you...." Karkat bites Jade's hand. Jade becomes frustrated and yells at them, claiming she was flirting and that they are both hopeless.
Dave changes the conversation, and talks about how Jane has dropped from the presidential race. He is relieved that the economy is not going to be harmed, but Karkat criticizes him for this. He doesn't understand why his priorities are the economy, which are "BUILT ENTIRELY ON INFINITE, FAKE MONEY THAT WE CAN MAKE AS MUCH OF AS WE WANT," and not "THE POTENTIAL GENOCIDE OF MY PEOPLE." instead. Karkat calls Dave an xenophobe. Jade hopes that Jane will do something better with her time. Karkat has a snarky response, suggesting if she will be "FUCKING HER WAY THROUGH HALF THE POPULATION OF EARTH C." Jade twists Karkat's ear as payback.
"There is almost no crime on Earth C, and so almost no one locks their door." Jane recalls an argument she had with Dave about the economy, but since she has an honorary business degree and Dave hasn't even finished middle school, she dismisses his argument entirely. Jane enters Jake's room and finds him doing firing practice. Jane finds it strange that he does it inside the house, but Jake says that doing it outside would startle the neighbors. The disappearance of Dirk is brought up, and Jake theorizes that life has become too peaceful for him, driving him insane. Jane comments that Jake seems "Like, even more cavalier than you usually are." Jake tells that he has been drinking bottles of wine first thing in the morning in order to use the bottles for target practice. He justifies it by saying it would be a waste of wine. Jane ponders for a moment and agrees, and takes an unopened wine bottle and takes a long swig from it.
Jane discusses the cancellation of her presidency, and comments that "...it just doesn't seem right without Dirk." She elaborates, saying that ever since she talked to Dirk, she has felt strange, "...like nothing I do matters." She looks deeply into Jake's face, and falls for him. Jane talks about raising a family. She gets closer to him, and expects a kiss from him. Instead, Jake hopes that Jane will have luck in finding a man "...who will summarily impregnate you with as much swiftness as possible and be a responsible father for your children." Jane shoves Jake off her, and drinks more alcohol.
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