ONISM1999

As I stand here the fresh wet morning dew seeping between my tired and blistered toes I ponder to myself. How did it end up like this? This morning was utterly unspectacular and trite. Yet for some reason a deep yearning pulled me from my computer and screamed for adventure. Was this what I wanted? As I mustered the energy to move forward it felt as though my life flashed before my eyes. Except it wasn't my life, events I couldn't recall, people I'd never see, things I'd wish I could do but hadn't. It was like an out of body experience and in that moment I realized something, a grand truth that had been sealed away. It was like the parental controls on my life were lifted and I could see behind the curtain, and behind the curtain was my own face staring back at me. All of these things could be real, I could make them real, I could do anything, and the only thing stopping me was myself. I had to stop stopping myself, if I kept worrying about what people would think about me, about how I would do it, about what comes next, I would never get to do anything. And you know what I realized? It was me. I did do all that. Everything I experienced in that moment was something I did, how else would I have experienced it? My mind was open. I was infinite. And then a sinking feeling set in. If all of that was me. Then who am I? Was I married? Was I a city destroying monster? Was the real YIIK inside of us? I'm not sure. How could I say for certain I wasn't? I'm in despair! This crisis of identity, the uncertainty of my own identity relative to what others think of me has left me in despair! There's only one way. I'll trap them, I'll make sure that they exist separately from me, that's the only way I'll know they aren't me. It's poetic a sealed truth kept them hidden from me, and now a sealing truth kept me safe from them.